Everyday I feel like I’m closer to a breakdown and I don’t know, I just want a hug. I miss my friends, have I said that yet?

I really feel like as if my life was a very unfunny and bad told joke.

Today is one of those days that everything was amazing and great and then I come home and life just looks at me and says “You’ve just got Punk’d!”.

Lately, studying and waiting for a superhero movie to come out are the only things keeping me sane. I miss my friends.

Today passed in a haze.

If you asked me how my day went, I could probably describe it perfectly, to the details. But I just didn’t feel anything through it. Perhaps some faint excitement, but nothing beyond that.

Damn, what’s it that even feeling is hard these days?

Depression is something that builds slowly at the very bottom of your heart, in an almost imperceptible way. At first, you think you’re just being lazier than normal, but then the wish to never get up of your bed grows stronger each day, until you can’t stand thethought ofwaking up. The thing you wish the most is to sleep off all your problems, but you know that life doesn’t work that way, and this is what sunks you deeper in that pool of dread you’re living in. Depression isn’t just being sad. It’s to feel that life would be so much better if you didn’t actually had to live it, because living is fucking painful and you don’t really feel comfortable anywhere, not even in your own skin.But still, you have to wake up and fake a smile, fake a response, pretend everything is okay until yourself start to believe it. And guess what? It doesn’t work. Because your brain will always be there to remind you that “Hey, your life isn’t that sunshine you wish it is, here, take this huge slice of reality filled with issues and with some personal-problems syrup and a punch in the gut on top, it’s on the house!”.

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The best thing you can do is to don’t give up, you know? Because here’s the thing: Someday, you were truly happy. It doesn’t matter if it was a fucking long time ago, but believe me, once, if not even for a second, you were downright happy. And you have to hold on to that, because life is a goddamn cycle, and someday,somedayyou’ll feel that happiness again. It’s all up to you. You don’t have to keep telling yourself to be strong; it’s perfectly okay to break down and cry, to burn your feelings to ashes, to simply fall on your bed without taking your shoes off and immediatly drift to sleep in a dreamless sleep. It’s okay, you know. You don’t have to be strong all the time. To be frank, I think that when you’re vulnerable, then you’re being honest to yourself, and it’s so much easier to feel at peace this way.

Talk to your friends. Listen to music that expresses exactly what you’re feeling and sing along the loudest you can. Take a scalding hot shower and put on your favorite shirt. Drink some caffeine-free tea and bury yourself under the covers. Don’t worry about tomorrow, just think how life could be perfect if, I don’t know, The Beatles still existed. Who knows, maybe tomorrow they’ll have invented the time machine.

If all, think about tomorrow. It may suck, but hey, it may be great as well.